Okay, I still exist, really. I can give you all kinds of excuses, like going back to work has thrown me off, and I.E.P. (individual education program) meetings are going on for 2 boys, and I am furiously knitting socks, and cleaning house and blah blah blah... and all of those things would be true, but in fact, every time I went to post, my thoughts leaked out of my head and I just couldn't come up with something worth while. I must admit to feeling very mortal lately. One of my Jr/Sr highschool friends that I have stayed in touch with over the years has two wonderful daughters. The eldest just gave birth to her 2nd child in March, and her baby, Olivia, was stillborn. They knew that this would happen, she had no forebrain develop, so they knew that she would not live, and bravely made the choice to give her what life and love that God would allow. This has firstly made me feel.. well old. That I waited until almost 30 to have children does not change the fact that I could easily have grandchildren now, and this makes me see the time line of my life in a more traditional way.. the true middleage.
Second, and more importantly, I have been amazed at the deep, mature, abiding love of God and Baby that Heather and Nathan showed. I have felt the need to slow down, reevalute my attitude toward the everyday moments with my own children. ( come on, be honest, it is so easy to focus on the arguement about getting homework done, or getting them to take a bath.)
Both of my children are so very intelligent, and frankly so very reasonable 90 % of the time that I often forget that Aspergers exhists. So when a major Asperger's moment occurs, I often forget my "tools" to deal with the issue at hand (I can't win this level!... I don't want to do handwritting, it's too hard!) I forget to take a walk, or let them just have a sensory break. Sigh, it is so easy to forget the huge leaps and bounds of growth that they both have made this year--Ben could hardly read at the beginning of this school year.. 2nd grade, and now is at the low second grade level reading.. and only because of his fluency, (he has a low to moderate disfluency in speech.. he stutters.) So I'm thinking that reading to himself, he is nearly or completely caught up! Wow!
Sam is starting to take some ownership of homework too... and you all know that this has been a struggle.
I have to say that watching Heather's strength through this ordeal has touched me. I marvel at her grace. I hurt for her too. I continue to hope that my children will be so giving and open to love even when their heart is breaking.
So this has been on my chest and on my mind for a while, and although I sat down today to give you pictures of my latest socks, apparently I had something else to say. Tomorrow I can give you pictures of socks. Today I leave you with a reason to thank God for the children that you have, healthy, or not, neura-typical or not, all of us, with our own personal birth defects are still here to love and be loved.
Gotta go interupt Sam's video game with a Hug... he'll hate it.. too bad!
Friday, April 3, 2009
So first of all.. the boys both have their ears... This is due in no small part to me letting go of my need for perfection, and just using the clipper guides for around the ears. 'Nuff said.
I started back to work, part time, this Wednesday, and I am still desperately trying to get my house into some order.
Now, you may not know this, but in my past life, I was a slob.
Not that I didn't have good intentions of cleanliness, no, that wasn't it. As a matter of fact, clean was not the problem, the floors were mopped, the dishes done.. The clutter was the issue. I am not what you would call a "Born Organized" person.
I was given a "fly lady" intervention years ago by my great friend Amy, who is way better at clean than I am. I could only get so far on my own. This house is a little house, that has one husband, two boys, three cats, a dog, a fiber addict for a mother and too much crap. I can tell you that the house did not get any better with the mom of the house with a broken shoulder, then with a mom of the house with a surgery damaged shoulder.
In steps my mother.
God Bless my mother.
Now, my mom is a born organized person. I will not lie, when she stepped in to help me clean the house (gut it inside out, more like) I was not too happy. I gritted my teeth, my tone of voice was not always pleasant, I sighed like a disgruntled teenager.
My mom really loves me.
After a few rooms however, I started to see, well, surfaces. Yes, cleared off surfaces. I walk into my living room and have a corner to knit in... by a window, with a clean surface that used to overflow with odds and ends of forgotten projects, undone mending etc, etc -add nausea. No, really, nausea.
I have taken over the project, well, what I can do myself with a shoulder that will not be 100 % for several months yet. I still call on my mom for help... like today to clean off the top of my washer and dryer. It is sooo pretty. See.
I am finding that my sense of peace is expanding like the heart of the Grinch on Christmas day.
Also.. though I haven't taken the picture of the Pink Cable Sock yet.. (sorry) I was so excited about the red and pink "dyed blank" sock that I have taken pictures here...
and I've started a new pair of socks... because I'm a freak. Pretty soon, I'll not only be a fiber freak, but a clean freak too. (yeah, I went there, it's how momma rolls.)