Okay, I still exist, really. I can give you all kinds of excuses, like going back to work has thrown me off, and I.E.P. (individual education program) meetings are going on for 2 boys, and I am furiously knitting socks, and cleaning house and blah blah blah... and all of those things would be true, but in fact, every time I went to post, my thoughts leaked out of my head and I just couldn't come up with something worth while. I must admit to feeling very mortal lately. One of my Jr/Sr highschool friends that I have stayed in touch with over the years has two wonderful daughters. The eldest just gave birth to her 2nd child in March, and her baby, Olivia, was stillborn. They knew that this would happen, she had no forebrain develop, so they knew that she would not live, and bravely made the choice to give her what life and love that God would allow. This has firstly made me feel.. well old. That I waited until almost 30 to have children does not change the fact that I could easily have grandchildren now, and this makes me see the time line of my life in a more traditional way.. the true middleage.
Second, and more importantly, I have been amazed at the deep, mature, abiding love of God and Baby that Heather and Nathan showed. I have felt the need to slow down, reevalute my attitude toward the everyday moments with my own children. ( come on, be honest, it is so easy to focus on the arguement about getting homework done, or getting them to take a bath.)
Both of my children are so very intelligent, and frankly so very reasonable 90 % of the time that I often forget that Aspergers exhists. So when a major Asperger's moment occurs, I often forget my "tools" to deal with the issue at hand (I can't win this level!... I don't want to do handwritting, it's too hard!) I forget to take a walk, or let them just have a sensory break. Sigh, it is so easy to forget the huge leaps and bounds of growth that they both have made this year--Ben could hardly read at the beginning of this school year.. 2nd grade, and now is at the low second grade level reading.. and only because of his fluency, (he has a low to moderate disfluency in speech.. he stutters.) So I'm thinking that reading to himself, he is nearly or completely caught up! Wow!
Sam is starting to take some ownership of homework too... and you all know that this has been a struggle.
I have to say that watching Heather's strength through this ordeal has touched me. I marvel at her grace. I hurt for her too. I continue to hope that my children will be so giving and open to love even when their heart is breaking.
So this has been on my chest and on my mind for a while, and although I sat down today to give you pictures of my latest socks, apparently I had something else to say. Tomorrow I can give you pictures of socks. Today I leave you with a reason to thank God for the children that you have, healthy, or not, neura-typical or not, all of us, with our own personal birth defects are still here to love and be loved.
Gotta go interupt Sam's video game with a Hug... he'll hate it.. too bad!
3 days ago