Why does my son not get it? Why does he have to procrastinate on a project because he doesn't have a starting sentence? When will he learn that working together can have us both laughing, and make the work go faster.. and frankly that we can do it over a weeks time instead of one, long, grueling night (God save me)
Picture this.. we are a piece of Corn, on an adventure down the wondrous world of the human digestive system...
Sam and I are quite a team.. here it is.
My name is Brutus. I am a rare piece of gnome corn. This is the captain’s log of my five stage mission, to explore the complex human digestive system. First I shall be boiled, and then buttered, then, as the pins are stuck into my sides, I will scream like a little girl.
When I entered what the locals call “the mouth”, it was dark and colder than I was, and there were puddles of an odd substance that seemed to break apart the butter that surrounded me. Then I was being mauled by giant, white, crushing pillars. Before I was crushed underneath the column of white, a big pink snake swiped me aside, and I was thrown down a tunnel.
Captain’s gullet date 10: it is dark, the murky walls around me glisten with the same puddle substance I encountered in the area above. The enclosure threatened to squash me, so I plummeted downward into a spiral. Suddenly I was surrounded by a large waterfall that set me into motion towards vast pit of boiling acid. (Dun, dun, daa)
Captain’s abdomen date 10: I crashed down into a boiling pit of acid and although nothing seemed to harm me, other things such as pieces of bread and red disk like substances were melting away. I waited for about half an hour and suddenly I was plunged into a small tunnel.
Captain’s duodenum date 10: I was being flushed down with a ton of liquidy substance that I had seen in the pit of boiling acid, when suddenly I was elevated to the top of said substance and was being carried along like a theme park water slide. I was flowing along at incredible speeds. I traveled so fast, I almost wet my trousers, the tunnel seemed to widen rapidly.
Captain’s colon date 10: As I gushed through the rapids I seemed to be gradually slowing down. The fluid beneath me began to rapidly disintegrate, and I spotted a large brown object where the solution had vanished. From here on out I walked alone through the large tunnel. After about 20 minutes I found myself slipping and falling, coming closer and closer to that same brown object that seemed to be making its way slowly along the tunnel as well.
There was a mysterious, overwhelming force that was pushing the brown object towards me. I could not hold this burden back, and I was compelled forward by this massive load. Suddenly I saw light, and knew that I was at the end of my perilous journey. I had touch down in a yellow sea.
It was messy, it was smelly, but I was free.
And lo, such a thing exists
20 hours ago