Monday, March 15, 2010

Time for another homework assignment.

Why does my son not get it? Why does he have to procrastinate on a project because he doesn't have a starting sentence? When will he learn that working together can have us both laughing, and make the work go faster.. and frankly that we can do it over a weeks time instead of one, long, grueling night (God save me)
Picture this.. we are a piece of Corn, on an adventure down the wondrous world of the human digestive system...

Sam and I are quite a team.. here it is.

My name is Brutus. I am a rare piece of gnome corn. This is the captain’s log of my five stage mission, to explore the complex human digestive system. First I shall be boiled, and then buttered, then, as the pins are stuck into my sides, I will scream like a little girl.
When I entered what the locals call “the mouth”, it was dark and colder than I was, and there were puddles of an odd substance that seemed to break apart the butter that surrounded me. Then I was being mauled by giant, white, crushing pillars. Before I was crushed underneath the column of white, a big pink snake swiped me aside, and I was thrown down a tunnel.
Captain’s gullet date 10: it is dark, the murky walls around me glisten with the same puddle substance I encountered in the area above. The enclosure threatened to squash me, so I plummeted downward into a spiral. Suddenly I was surrounded by a large waterfall that set me into motion towards vast pit of boiling acid. (Dun, dun, daa)
Captain’s abdomen date 10: I crashed down into a boiling pit of acid and although nothing seemed to harm me, other things such as pieces of bread and red disk like substances were melting away. I waited for about half an hour and suddenly I was plunged into a small tunnel.
Captain’s duodenum date 10: I was being flushed down with a ton of liquidy substance that I had seen in the pit of boiling acid, when suddenly I was elevated to the top of said substance and was being carried along like a theme park water slide. I was flowing along at incredible speeds. I traveled so fast, I almost wet my trousers, the tunnel seemed to widen rapidly.
Captain’s colon date 10: As I gushed through the rapids I seemed to be gradually slowing down. The fluid beneath me began to rapidly disintegrate, and I spotted a large brown object where the solution had vanished. From here on out I walked alone through the large tunnel. After about 20 minutes I found myself slipping and falling, coming closer and closer to that same brown object that seemed to be making its way slowly along the tunnel as well.
There was a mysterious, overwhelming force that was pushing the brown object towards me. I could not hold this burden back, and I was compelled forward by this massive load. Suddenly I saw light, and knew that I was at the end of my perilous journey. I had touch down in a yellow sea.
It was messy, it was smelly, but I was free.


Joan's Good Life said...

I am in awe... I bow down before you, chuckling as I do!

Very well done! A much better way to learn about the digestive system than what was taught to me in school!

.... still smiling......

1000scarves said...

Hahahahah! Very creative writing! My kids would've loved to write a paper like that, they're still incredibly entertained by the noisy & smelly bodily functions. Dontcha wish you could be a fly on the wall when the teacher reads it. ;)