Walking into it, eyes wide open -- IDIOT!

I'm going to bed any minute now, and as my whole family could attest to, I have been very anxious today. Tomorrow is the surgery on my shoulder, and the surgeon, who is amazing, by the way, explained that surgery on the shoulder is the most painful surgery you can go through.

Believe, or not, this has made me a bit jumpy. I'm understated like that.

So, being the neurotic that I am, I have been trying to figure out why I'm so freaked by this.. I've gone through this before, it cannot be worse that the break itself right?

I figured it out a little while ago. It's really simple.

The first time was an accident, I tripped. The pain was (is) nasty, all kinds of different medical personel have told me "One of the most painful breaks that you can have." Well, duh. No one to blame though, pure and well, simple.

Now though, I know what's coming. I know that this is going to be ugly. I know that there is absolutely no other way to fix my shoulder. I know that we have tried everything else, and if I don't do this I will always have pain, muscle spasms, and OH, not be able to move my arm correctly. HOWEVER, I am walking into this with my eyes wide open, so to speak, I KNOW. I KNOW!

I keep reliving what sleep was like, and not being able to wash my hair, and trying to put on a shirt (okay, I DOUBLE DOG DARE YOU to try to put on a t-shirt, and not move your shoulder, while you're at it, try to wash your hair with your right hand, or left if that's how you roll, hanging at your side!)

Basic human reaction... stay away from pain. Period.

Here I am, volunteering (yeah, I know, no real choice, but still!) to walk into the Hospital doors at 5:45 am tomorrow to get ready for 7:30 am surgery. This cannot be good for the psyche... it's a damn good thing I'm already completely twisted. This would drive a sane person batty.