Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Chelle's Salon

So.. as I've mentioned before, both of my boys have Asperger's. One of the things that you can count on Aspies not liking (at least in my house) are hair cuts. The words "hair" and "cut" separately are not so bad. Saying them together in the hearing of my children causes furtive sideways stepping, and occational "Run for it!"'s to the backyard. The thing is, for a person with Asperger's, a haircut is really rack-like torture. The little cut hairs all over your super-sensitised skin, the buzzing razor that vibrates your head, the need to sit in the same spot without a video game. You get the point.

Today, was hair cut day. So...

"Sam, when we're done with homework, I'm cutting your hair"


"Yep, your hair is long enough for me to put in curlers"

"Mom!" said as he starts to sideways steps toward the back door.

"Sam, come on, let's get the homework done and out of the way and then finish the hair cut."

"I'm NOT getting my hair cut today.. tomorrow, 5:30 works for me." (he really said this... not an exaggeration)

Now right here, being the wise mother I am. I stop the arguing, redirect to the homework.. not wanting to get into the power struggle of hair cuts..

"I'm not getting my haircut today mom.."

"Let's finish this math"

"Fine, ... (mumbled) I'm not getting my haircut today...

So homework is done.. I'm hot under the collar (hey, you can only stay wise so long when someone keeps repeating "I'm not getting my haircut today""I'mnotgettingmyhaircuttoday" "I'mnotgettingmyhaircuttoday" .. you try it.. then we'll see how wise and reasonable you are..)

I stand up, say "That's IT! HAIR CUT NOW! NO TV OR GAMES UNTIL IT IS FINISHED! PERIOD!!" Yeah... I yelled it.. see the preceding paragraph..

So I grabbed the spray bottle, and started spraying the child's hair... while he ran. Luckily this produced the laughter I was hoping for..

"HEY, I'm not the cats.. "

"You're running away like one"

(grab child's hand, pull toward kitchen, push down into seat)

At this point, Sam calms down and realizes that the hair cut will occur and everything is coming along quite nicely. We are talking, and he is only occasionally saying ..

"It itches... it itches... it itches... it itches... it itches..."

Then the unthinkable, his head zigs, while my scissors zag and..

"You cut my ear! Damn it Mom! " (this last said, kind of testing like...we are approaching the teens, after all..)

"Ooo, yep, I did.. mea culpa guy."

"What does that mean?"

"My Bad.. in latin"

This, thank the good Lord, caused him to laugh.. actually laugh. Two years ago this would have taken hours to recover from, he would have hidden under a blanket and spoken to no one. Our boy is growing up..

"Is that BLOOD?"

"Ah son, you ever hear the term, 'Here's your sign'? I just cut your ear with scissors, there will be blood.. head wounds bleed copiously"

"What does that mean?"

"A lot.. usually said with an English accent.. it sounds better that way"
(more weak laughter)

Also, luckily, his father called from work as this happened and Sam yelled.. "Mom cut my ear!" Dad's response? " Oh, Sam Gogh"

More hilarity. We have sophisicated humor here!

Now, do not think that I have not offered to take these children to the barber shop.. I have, often pleading.. ("Please let momma pay someone else to go through the torture of cutting your hair. ") but the idea of dealing with a hair cut and not being able to immediately jump into the bath is more than they can bare.

To be really fair, Ben, the younger, is so much more stoic about these things. He doesn't want the hair cut, but he sets his jaw, flares his nostrils and barely audibly growls as I cut his hair.. Kind of like giving a hair cut to Wolverine..

"Watch the ears.. BUB!"

Anyone need a trim?


Pam said...

The Sam Gogh comment is hilarious! Yeah, I made the mistake of telling one of my students today that if he didn't do 5 things on his sheet I was going to make him miss band class. He spent the whole rest of the class repeating "I don't want to miss band" over and over and over.

chellebelle said...

Oh Pam.. I cannot tell you how many times I have wanted to pull words back into my mouth the second they left. I see the wild look in their eye, and know KNOW that I just caused myself immeasurable grief. sigh.

( ramey holsman ) said...

GRRL . . . you've got some derned good writing chops! You're hilarious! And the banter in your house is something you should can and skip like a stone across the pond to me. No, in fact, I'd like a case of it please! I'll pay for the postage.

Ramey =(V)